Protecting What Matters Most

Making shared custody with a hostile ex work

On Behalf of | Jan 27, 2021 | Child Custody

Some adults are able to put their differences aside so they can raise their children as a team — even when they’re no longer a couple. When this doesn’t happen, both the adults and the children can suffer.

Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do to force your ex to be amicable with you. Instead, you have to figure out how you can cope and find a way to work together. There are several things that you might consider doing if you’re in this position. Consider the following suggestions:

Set boundaries

In all child custody cases, the focus must be on the children. Every decision you make has to be what’s in their best interest. Remembering this and sticking to it might help you and your ex to get along a little better. Both adults should remember that it’s possible to be a good parenting team even if your marriage didn’t work out. 

Communicate carefully

The communication between you and your ex should be respectful. Whether you choose to do this via texts, email, or phone conversations, make sure that you’re speaking directly to each other. Never try to have the children act as a go-between. Relying on the kids to relay messages means there is a chance that incorrect information will be passed along.

Resorting to written communications with your ex can actually be a strategic step: If you’re in-person conversations often veer into other topics or end up in a fight, text messages, emails and letters can give you time to choose your words carefully.

Work out the parenting plan terms

You should ensure that you have a solid parenting plan in place for child custody matters. This can help to reduce the conflicts between you and your ex. If you’re dealing with a hostile ex, having a more detailed plan might be a good idea. Your attorney can help you to determine what to include in the plan.


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